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Adult League Hockey Chill Spectrum

Adult league hockey is incredibly unique. Some leagues and teams have ex-professionals while others consist of middle aged newbies, still gathering confidence on their skates. Skill and experience discrepancy aside our mutual passion leads us to the rink, often at the most inconvenient times.

To some it’s nothing more than time spent with other hockey fanatics, preferably with a beer. To a small group of adult leaguers it’s much more than a recreational hockey game. But, to most of us it’s a great opportunity to exercise and add a little friendly competition with some of our best friends.

There’s no right or wrong approach necessarily, but a vast majority of players will find themselves in the middle of the ADULT LEAGUE CHILL SPECTRUM, in what statisticians call the 95% confidence interval… but I won’t bore you with academic jargon. Those residing on the extreme ends of the spectrum are few and far between, but we’re confident you’d recognize their characteristics around the rink.

The Adult League Hockey Chill Spectrum

TOO CHILL

Tonight’s game is viewed as a social gathering rather than a semi-competitive hockey game.

  • Most likely to be buzzed or flat out drunk before the game starts
  • Excessive socializing in the locker room often leads to little to no warm-up
  • Definitely no cage or half-shield. League permitting they rock the Craig McTavish look
  • Zero chance they’ve applied a fresh tape job. If they did, there’s a strong chance they used someone else’s tape (tape mooch)
  • Their number of strides in a shift can be counted on one hand
  • As a forward: zero backchecking. As a d-man: never crossing the red line to avoid any sudden need for retreat
  • The game is completely inconsequential. Win or lose, they booze
  • They live for the storytelling and relentless chirping that only exists in a hockey locker room
  • Tells their significant other they play on another team as an excuse for more weeknight beers
  • You wouldn’t want a team full of these guys, but a few are necessary for optimal team chemistry

CHILL

Winning is preferable but playing the greatest game on earth with some of our favorite people is what it’s all about.

  • Traffic and commitments pending, they’re Punctual Pierre or Last Second Larry
  • Wears a cage or shield. Adult league isn’t worth the hospital bill of an errant stick or puck
  • The selfless teammate who brings the water bottles and beer
  • Brief warm up as a reminder of how to skate and pass
  • Gladly plays forward or defense, whatever the team needs tonight
  • Matching the intensity of their opponent and linemates, they’re working out there but don’t want to blow their load in the first
  • Losses are far from embraced while victories are rarely celebrated
  • Enjoys the postgame locker room to laugh at their teammate’s drunken antics from the previous weekend
  • Nonchalantly chirps the TOO CHILL and NO CHILL teammates, often going unnoticed by those being chirped
  • Simply appreciating time with friends in a rink. Few things are better

NO CHILL

Nothing is as important as tonight’s game, impacting their mood the rest of the week.

  • Performing calisthenics and stretching in the room before anyone else arrives
  • They go HAM in warm ups
  • Only teammate inviting their significant other and family to watch games
  • Game time is all business. Emphatically backchecks and displays perfect defensive positioning
  • Constant end-to-end rushes or the hardest stretch passes imaginable when the squad falls behind
  • The first to get chippy and try to start a fight
  • Even at the age of 38 they’re still concerned with personal stats
  • After a loss: either sitting lifelessly, fully-dressed in the locker room or rapidly undressing and leaving without showering
  • After a victory: loud, celebrating like they just won something beyond a midnight adult league game
  • Most likely to play on numerous teams in multiple leagues. Adult league is life

Where do you and your teammates live on the adult league chill spectrum?

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