HPC Blog - Funny Hockey Content and Tips

Adult League Hockey: What Your Arrival Time Says About You

Us adult league players have crazy schedules. Combine work, marriage, kids, hobbies, and happy hours it’s apparent we have a never ending list of commitments. And none of these responsibilities change the fact we’re expected to be dressed and ready to compete in a hockey game at 11PM on a Tuesday.

Preparing for late night hockey games varies by player. Some guys get to the rink at the very last second (Last Second Larry), most get there 10 – 15 minutes before the game (Punctual Pierre) and some get there with plenty of time to kill (Tommy Too Soon). These arrivals not only impact the locker room and warm ups, but they also indicate a little more about the player beneath the smelly pads.

Last Second Larry

Last Second Larry walks into the rink as most guys are pulling their jerseys on and the Zamboni is finishing up. He bursts into the locker room, throws down his bag and wastes no time getting dressed. He’ll likely join the game after it’s started, but, to everyones astonishment, sometimes he gears up fast enough to make it on the bench in time for the opening draw.

Last Second Larry only tapes his twig if it’s absolutely needed, and if so, he does it on the bench, otherwise he’ll make do with a sloppy tape job.  Surprisingly, amongst all the chaos this beauty is one of the best players on the team, able to be game ready with a flip of a switch. And even if he doesn’t play well you’ll hear him chirping on and off the bench.

Constantly in a rush to the rink, Last Second Larry might be a parent of 3+ kids, live far from the rink, or be a bachelor who’s come straight from happy hour with a Tinder date. For the 4 minutes he spends in the locker room he’s often the center of attention, sharing stories and cracking jokes. Larry never responds to the team’s RosterBot or email chain to confirm he’s playing — he’s a game time decision. Reliability aside, Last Second Larry’s late arrival is always welcomed by the team.

Punctual Pierre

After years of playing at every rink in a 100-mile radius Punctual Pierre knows exactly how long it takes to get to the game and the perfect amount of time needed in the locker room. For an adult league player, 15-20 minutes is plenty of time to get dressed and beak a few teammates.

Punctual Pierre always gets to the rink with the perfect amount of time to get ready.

Punctual Pierre hates being rushed in the locker room and prefers to get a fresh tape job in before warm ups. As the Zamboni leaves the ice, Pierre throws on his bucket en route to the ice. He gets a few laps in, moves the puck around, and snipes the tendy’s pads in traditional warm-up fashion before the real show begins.

Pierre’s game is simple and reliable, enjoying a good sweat with the squad. Away from the ice he always books the first appointment of the day, so there’s never an excuse for waiting for his doctor or mechanic. Pierre is organized, dependable, likely has a Hockey Players Club membership, and prefers briefs over anything more adventurous. Who doesn’t love a teammate they can count on?

Tommy Too Soon

You’ll find Tommy Too Soon in the locker room at least 30 minutes before the opening draw — an eternity in the adult league world with no coaches to review the night’s lineup and game plan. There to claim his spot, prepare his BioSteel, and comfortably tape both twigs in preparation for the night’s big game, Tommy Too Soon is reliable, responsible and on top of his shit.

Unlike a vast majority of adult league players, Tommy’s warm up begins when the Zamboni takes the ice and Last Second Larry walks in the rink. Rather than chirping with the squad in the room, you might see him half-dressed and stick handling in the hallway. Regrettably, all the warm up time in the world won’t change tonight’s performance.

Tommy Too Soon prefers the top-of-the-line compression shorts to fully support intense bursts of back checking.  Like any upstanding hockey citizen, his bag is well-stocked with tape and the necessary accessories. We’re not sure if Tommy’s suffering from an overbearing spouse at home or in need of more excitement in his life, but we do know he takes full advantage of every minute he can spend at the rink… and who can blame him for that?!

———

Which one are you? And did we miss any characteristics we should add? Comment below!

———

Are you a member of the awesome hockey tape subscription service, the Hockey Players Club? If not, save yourself time and money and join now!

The Hockey Players Club is changing the game for hockey players. We're a hockey tape subscription and box service that ships hockey tape and hockey essentials to your doorstep with free shipping.

14 Responses to Adult League Hockey: What Your Arrival Time Says About You

  1. Shawn Bell says:

    Great article! I’m definitely Tommy too soon….. I’d love to be a member but unfortunately I can barely cover my hockey dues haha. But anyway keep up the great work. Go Tupper Lake Lumberjacks!!

  2. Sam LeBlanc says:

    You forgot “how are you late Howie.” This guy shows up around the same time as Tommy Too Soon, but doesn’t start getting dressed until last second Larry shows up.

    Howie always has a laundry list of things that he has to do before he can sit back with the boys in the room. He’s probably a coach for his sons team and needs to talk to the pro shop guy, rink manager, zamboni driver, and watch TV with opposing teams players.

    There is always a different story when asked about how he’s late to the ice when he’s been there the longest, but really it’s the same routine. He just wants you to think he’s important but really everyone questions his loyalty to the team.

    • Jeff says:

      I know Howie,….he also walks over to the zamboni entrance as it’s getting off, and while both teams take the ice, he borrows the shovel from the driver to bring back a load of slush to dump on the beer that’s sitting in the middle of the locker room.

  3. Nick Hamblen says:

    Awesome analysis guys. I defiantly Tommy Too Soon. “his bag is well-stocked with tape and the necessary accessories” is a right on description of yours truly. I’ve been relegated to bringing a separate gym bag along with my gear bag full of undergarments, towels, water bottles and various other crap that I feel like I need. I just placed my first order. Keep up the good work!

  4. Rob says:

    Quite accurate assessment and too funny ! As s goalie I fall into the Tommy too soon category as there is a whole different level of superstitions, same spot in the locker room, and dressing order taboos that must be strictly followed. At 53 I even have to do some kind of stretching. This includes team wide non-use, mention or even the thought of the cursed S-word or my game is jinxed. Unlike my teammates my locker room beers occur after the game and are brought by my teammates. Another goalie advantage although it is Christmas and time for giving so maybe I’ll get them a six pack. Gotta check out Hockey Players Club since my son plays too and can rip thru some tape and my money.

  5. JL says:

    That is good stuff! I am definitely TTS:

    “reliable, responsible and on top of his shit”

    I have a morbid fear of being late.

    “Regrettably, all the warm up time in the world won’t change tonight’s performance.”

    Not true…warm-up decreases the likelihood of falling down at the first puck drop.

    “prefers the top-of-the-line compression shorts to fully support intense bursts of back checking.”

    My compressions shorts come from the UK and cost around $130…but they aren’t for supporting intense bursts of backchecking.

    “Like any upstanding hockey citizen, his bag is well-stocked with tape and the necessary accessories.”

    On one end of my bag I have a toolbox of shit. Everything from pre-wrap and two types of stick wax to surgical scissors.

    “but we do know he takes full advantage of every minute he can spend at the rink”

    Because I now realize that it can all be over for good in one second.

    I am definitely TTS.

  6. Gary L. says:

    Love the article. As a senior (both age and league) player, I know and have been all three types, over the years. One that everyone probably knows, but wasn’t mentioned is Francois Forgetful. Even though he’s an adult and has been playing in the league for many years, he somehow forgets basic and necessary equipment on a regular basis. He’s why others on the team have a spare pair of gloves, socks, jersey, etc., in their bag. And the ironic thing is, he only needs to count to two: two gloves, two shinpads, two elbows and two skates (and possibly two jerseys). But even challenged with that small number, you always see him rooting in his bag before a game, followed by an “Aw S**t! Does anyone have an extra (fill in what he left at home).” But like LSL, he’s normally a good enough player that everyone accepts it, otherwise, we wouldn’t stock spares.

  7. Pingback: The Official Beer League Hockey Drinking Game | HPC Blog

  8. Jeremy says:

    Proudly admit to being Tommy Too Soon–HOWEVER this article fails to consider showing up early allows for a beer and a half to be savored while taping the twigs…

  9. Jeremy says:

    Im DEFINITELY a last second larry… problem is, im a tendy. People are always excited when I show up, but pissed I’m going to miss warm up… but I pride myself on being dressed and on the ice in 5! Rarely do I miss a whole warm up!

  10. Margaret says:

    I am the middle person except my pads don’t stink and females are exceptionally lovely to have in the locker room. I run the bench so late Larry gets whacked upside the head with a stick for being there at the last minute.

Leave a Reply to hockeyplayersclub Cancel reply

Please use your real name instead of your company name or keyword spam.