The night of the week our adult league hockey falls, gravely impacts tonight and tomorrow’s commitments. And we all know the combination of said commitments and our unique personalities dictate how long we grace the post game locker room or watering hole with our presence.
Realistically, 3 departure styles exist: either rush out of the rink ASAP, be guilted into a quick beer and story, or be in it for the long haul. And while some guys refuse to break character the entire season, others change from week to week. Which are you and your bendy teammates most often?
Chuck the 2 Pump Chump
Chuck the 2 Pump Chump is the first guy out of the locker room. You could say he’s a premature evacuator. In and out of the locker room as quickly as possible, Chuck is the butt of many jokes. Teammates’ chirps start while he’s frantically undressing [often times skipping the shower] and continue far beyond his departure.
Chuck is most likely to have a newborn at home, incredibly-early-starting job, and/or a major pain-in-the-ass partner waiting for them. Although they love the game and their teammates, they can’t get home soon enough. We wish we saw more of Chuck. 🙁
Don’t Hate Me Harry
Don’t Hate Me Harry will begrudgingly throw back a quick beer before departing. If we’re lucky Harry will contribute a subtle chirp but more often than not he’s trying to fly under the radar. Harry wishes he could rush out of the room like Chuck, but can’t handle the verbal abuse from the team.
Like us all, Harry loves the game. And while he has his freedom he’s an anxious mofo. Whether concerned with work tomorrow, getting to his spouse, or his arrival time to an underground fetish party, Harry has better places to be than here.
The final buzzer is a moment of bliss for Lingering Lenny. In it to win it, he’s chewing on beers from the moment he enters the locker room until he leaves; shower included. If Lenny’s not telling stories he’s emphatically listening to one. Lenny doesn’t leave the post game locker room or bar until he’s kicked out by the Zamboni driver or bartender.
Lenny is either single or in a healthy relationship that allows him to enjoy his limited time spent with hockey brethren. Other times he’s in a brutal relationship where the tongue-lashing is well worth the time away from home.
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