Generally lawless, hockey locker rooms are an environment like no other. Hard to explain to a non-hockey player, our locker room acts as a second home to the millions of us who can’t get enough of the game.
General absurdity is more than welcome in a hockey locker room, instead, it’s expected. New players quickly get desensitized to the relentless chirping, nudity, horrific storytelling, beer drinking, and widespread inappropriateness found nowhere else.
But, unless you’re aiming to be chirped the rest of the season – or possibly your life pending the offense – you’d be best advised to familiarize yourself with some of the unwritten (until now) rules.
As always, the Hockey Players Club has got your back! Here is our Official Guide to Proper Hockey Locker Room Etiquette:
What’s said in the room, stays in the room!
Hockey locker rooms are a sacred place. Like a confessional, it’s a place that anything can be said. But, out of respect for our priests and pastors, many of our most private (often embarrassing and/or incriminating) stories are reserved for a locker room full of our teammates. Because of this, teammates are to never repeat locker room stories outside of the team and room. Don’t disrespect your liney by having loose lips around town. What’s said in the room, stays in the room!
Always Supply Yourself
Possibly the golden rule of the hockey locker room is to supply yourself. Of course, we’re teammates, we’re happy to help in a pinch but no one, I repeat NO ONE, likes a tape mooch, or a mooch of any kind for that matter. This sport is expensive enough without providing your teammate’s tape, laces, wax, soap, towel, etc. News flash: unless you’re sitting in the locker room of an arena with 17,000+ fans eagerly waiting to watch you play, you’re not good enough to deserve free hockey accessories! Granted, there’s a kickass hockey tape subscription service that keeps your bag well stocked, but whatever means you use, grow up and supply yourself!
Chirp and be chirped
Hockey teammates aren’t here just to tell you how great you did. Instead, they prefer razzing you for how bad you butchered that 2-on-1 or your most recent tinder date. Chirping is most often equal parts truth and exaggerated bullsh!t. Take it with a grain of salt, don’t take it personally, and prepare to retaliate with the best chirp you can come up with! Sure, none of us enjoy getting called out for our stupidity but remember, it’s an important part of playing the game.
First one in, last one out of the showers
Simple: the first guy in turns ALL the showers on, last guy out turns them ALL off! First guy, be considerate and take 20 seconds out of your busy life to warm up all the showers for your teammates. Last guy, respect the rink and their maintenance crew by shutting them all off. Ice rink utility bills are large enough as is. Plus, you’ll save your team manager from getting an ear full from the rink staff.
Lastly, if it’s adult league, don’t forget the beer!
The nickname for adult hockey is beer league. Without the beer it’s just….league. Without beer, the post-game locker room simply isn’t the same. And for some of us, the post-game locker room beer is the only reason we showed up in the first place. Plus, it’s one of the 7 Do’s and Don’ts of Adult League. Get with it.