Everyone knows hockey teammates develop great camaraderie. To showcase their bond, teammates relentlessly chirp and oftentimes prank each other. I’ll never forget hearing a veteran on my first junior team explaining to one of the other rookies that, “if you’re not getting chirped, you’re probably not liked.” Counterintuitive to most, but we understand it and embrace it as a form of endearment.
Want to show one of your teammates you love them? Or maybe they’re just due? Here are 5 of the hockey world’s best pranks:
Clear Tape + Your Teammate’s Skate Blades
A simple classic. Wait for your teammate to hit the john or head out near the rink to tape his twig. Quickly grab one [or both] of his skates and apply a strip of clear tape along the bottom of his skate blades. If necessary, be sure to replace his skate guards so he doesn’t notice someone touched his gear. Voila. Sit back and patiently wait for your teammate to take the ice for warm ups. He’ll be sure to look like a first-timer stepping on the ice with skate guards. Hilarious.
“Leaner” on Hotel Door
Hotels become our home away from home while we’re battling on the road. Often times we air our equipment in our rooms between games, making this prank even more of a kick between the legs.
Attain a trash can… any size works but the bigger, the worse you’re going to ruin your teammate’s day. Fill the can a little over halfway full. Once you’ve selected your target and identified his room number [preferably across from another teammate’s room so you can watch through the eye hole], lean the trash can full of water against their door, knock, and escape the scene of the prank. Your teammate is about to drench his own hotel room floor by opening the door.
If we’re on the road, you can guarantee we’re at a restaurant eating as a team. Next time one of your teammates is deep in the debate of who’s the best player of all time or the hottest of today’s wait staff, oblivious to their surroundings, arm yourself with your favorite condiment and proceed to army crawl underneath your target’s table. As stealth as an undercover agent, leave a healthy dose of the condiment on your teammate’s shoe. Quietly crawl back out from under the table and return to your seat. Give it a minute or two then gently tap your water glass with a utensil. The sound will instantly ignite your teammates as they all quickly check their shoes to see if they fell victim, ultimately erupting when they’re identified!
Icy Hot + Your Teammate’s Jock
WARNING: If you do this one, it’s almost a guarantee it’ll come back to haunt you!
While your teammate is nowhere near the locker room, grab his jock [preferably with latex gloves] and apply a thin layer of Icy Hot on the rim of his cup. Preferably allow 10-20 minutes for the cream to dry. Also, be sure to have a teammate next to him in the locker room using Icy Hot so he doesn’t suspect anything from the smell. Now, if the cream is dry, your teammate won’t start feeling the effects until he begins sweating in warm ups or early in the first period. Don’t worry, you’ll know just when that moment happens as his facial expression will scream, “my jock is on fire!” If executed perfectly, that moment happens right after warm ups, during the national anthem. Just ask my high school teammate, Dan. He returned the favor shortly thereafter… and don’t forget to wash your hands before the next time you pee.
It’s common for schools and junior hockey towns to have a small paper to keep the locals up to date on their favorite hockey team; including interviewing players. Our local editorial was affectionately known as the Collegian.
Pretending to be a reporter, some of my teammates and I would call other teammates and begin interviewing them. Eager to be quoted in the paper, our victims often provided lengthy, thoughtful responses while we held in our laughter and waited for the punch line. Just when the interview felt completely legitimate and nearing a close, we’d drop the bomb that left them thinking wtf?!
Collegian: “Gary, as a freshman forward, how do you plan to contribute to this year’s squad?
Gary: “I believe I can.. blah blah blah….”
[insert a few more questions to get him talking about himself]
Collegian: “Gary, I really appreciate you taking the time today to talk to me and want to let you go as soon as possible, but I have one final question for you.”
Gary: “It’s been my pleasure and absolutely, go for it.”
Collegian: “How do you feel about the fact that in a recent poll of the entire student body, 96% of males admitted to pleasuring himself to the thought of your sister?”
Gary: “Wait, what?! Who is this?!” [hangs up phone]
What pranks have we missed? And who’s your next victim?
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